It’s almost Valentine’s Day, aka, the one day out of the year when you’re allowed to express yourself with chocolate foodstuffs and paper products.

But beware… Valentine’s Day is also the one day that your emotional vacancy will be fully exposed for your lover to see… so it’s best not to blow it. And, what better way to let your partner know how you feel, than with tacky wordplay placed on a piece of folded card-stock?

Here are a few ideas for those who would rather have a card do the talking for them… or, if your lover is just really into clever wordplay and foodstuffs. In which case, congrats.

 

You’re My Everything

If you’re a person of few words, then ‘You’re My Everything‘ will go a long way on Valentine’s Day. Take this very brief sentiment even further with the addition of an actual everything bagel. But only include lox and cream cheese if they’re marriage material. [link]

 

You’re The Chicky Chicky To My Parm Parm

Whether or not you’re a fan of Parks and Recreation and the musings of Tom Haverford, you cannot deny the effectiveness of this nonsensical statement. And, as we all know, few things go together better than battered chicken breast and melted cheese.

Of course, this card would be even more effective if accompanied by an actual chicken parm sandwich, or some ‘chicken catch’ and ‘super water.’ Thanks, Tom. [link]

 

You’re The Center Of My Cinnamon Roll

Cinnamon rolls are sexy… we know this to be true. So, telling someone that they’re the center of your cinnamon roll is sexxxy. See, I just put more Xs in sexy to convey, oh, never mind. [link]

 

I Love You Like I Love French Fries

If you’ve been trying to answer the incalculable question of “How much do you love me?” then we think this card could help. And, if your valentine this year is a keeper, you can tell them that you love them like fries with cheese and gravy. That’s commitment. [link]

 

I Love You More Than Sriracha

We know how you feel… you simply cannot place food in your mouth unless there’s sriracha on it. Your partner knows this… so telling them that you love them more than the greatest condiment in recorded history, will surely score you some points this year. [link]

 

You’re The Only Wiener For My Bun

Although this card could be considered a bit suggestive, or taken the wrong way, it is undeniably adorable. And, if it does get taken the wrong way, you can both go out for hot dogs and talk about it, because you’re a classy couple. [link]

 

You Are Greater Than A Cupcake

Ah, the good ol’ “you are greater than [insert awesome food item]” approach. We’ve seen this work for bacon... So, why not give it a shot with the trendiest of all food items?

Just make sure that your valentine knows ‘greater than/less than,’ or this card makes it look like you’re either calling them a cupcake, or asking them to get you a cupcake. Any of which is actually pretty good. [link]