If chocolate companies and Hallmark are to be believed, then February 14 becomes the only chance you’ll get all year to profess our love. And for the purposes of Foodiggity’s Valentine’s Day Gift Guide, we would have to agree. Although our list is void of anything pink or heart-shaped, these gifts should help get the point across that you’re serious about this relationship — if only for one day. Don’t screw it up.

For The Person Who Deserves The Universe… Chocolate Planets

Chocolates always do the trick. But what fun are the same old heart-shaped nuggets with the mystery filling? If you happen to have some spare Yen, give your lover the gift of the universe with Chocolates Planets, by L’éclat. And think about the double entendre now available to help express your true intentions — Uranus jokes practically write themselves. Available here.

 

For Someone Who Likes To Beat Their Meat… The Knuckle Pounder Meat Tenderizer

Let’s face it… Nothing says “I love you” quite like something that also says “Get in the kitchen and make me a steak.” The Knuckle Pounder Meat Tenderizer is here to help your partner vent their frustration over your other crappy gifts, and you get that tender steak you were looking for. Everybody wins! Available here.

 

Say It With Sliders… Reservations at White Castle

White Castle knows that this night is special. So this Valentine’s Day, the “burger” chain will spare you from having to shout your order through glass, and will instead provide table service for you and your soulmate. The night also includes “charming” decorations and a photo. Enjoy your sack, lover. More info here.

 

For Your Workaholic Lover… Dine Ink Pen Set

If you have a significant other who never leaves their desk, then they’ll certainly appreciate something that will facilitate their desktop dining. The Dine Ink Pen Set will not only save them the time it takes to grab utensils from the cafeteria, but will get them home to you faster — so they can talk about work. Find them here.

 

For The Needy Snuggler In Your Life… Ice Cream Sandwich Pillow

Because you’re not always available to snuggle, let the Ice Cream Sandwich Pillow be a suitable alternative. Made of soft and cuddly polyester, it will give your lover something to curl up with when you’re not around — or busy in the kitchen eating ice cream sandwiches. Get one here.

 

For The Coffee-Loving Pseudo-Environmentalist… I Am Not A Paper Cup

Around 58 billion non-recyclable coffee cups are disposed of every year. Now you can help your lover only appear to be part of the problem, with I Am Not A Paper Cup. The ceramic mug with silicone lid looks just like a paper cup, and your mate will certainly appreciate their new reusable mug — as long as you clean it for them. Available here.

 

When You’re Too Lazy To Stop At Two Stores… ChocoVine

If you’re going with the standby of wine and chocolate, and the chocolatier and liquor store are like in two totally different strip malls, ChocoVine can save you a stop. With fine chocolate and red wine in the same bottle, your partner will be thankful that they are with someone who’s so resourceful. But there is a good chance, that first thing on February 15, you’ll get an earful about what a lazy bum you are. Get it here.

Check out some more stuff over at the Foodiggity Shop, and Happy Valentine’s Day everybody. Foodiggity likes you too… but not “like” like. It’s not you, it’s us.