To help tenderize your cuts of meat, or any unruly peasants — the Microplane Rocking Meat Tenderizer is here to help. The razor sharp spikes will effectively and silently soften up your choice cuts, and the mere sight of it should help keep your dinner guests on their best behavior.

Or, if you’re the type who prefers to get out a little aggression with your tenderizing — The Knuckle Pounder Meat Tenderizer will deliver swift justice to any meat that gets out of line.

[link, via Green Head]