No one could ever accuse McDonald’s of not being creative. Besides their usual tactics, McDonald’s often comes up with new and interesting ways to spread their wrath of culinary terrorism. Foodiggity takes a look back at a few methods they’ve used to wreak their havoc.
A dancing, shilling George Costanza? What could possibly go wrong?
The McDLT was an interesting enough concept. Lettuce and tomatoes are kept cool on one side, the burger is kept hot on the other. Keep them separate for as long as possible, and the customer could then ‘construct’ the burger themselves. The lettuce stays crisp—assuming that it was so in the first place—the burger is lukewarm as always. Brilliant.
The Problem: No one gives a shit if their lettuce and tomato are kept cool. Most people who waddle into McDonald’s throw away this only semblance of nutrition anyway. Plus, the packaging—while a marvel of engineering—was a double middle finger to the environment. Sort of like a CD long box. Remember those? [source]
Quick… What is the opposite of beef? If you answered pineapple, you’re either:
- An Hawaiian Vegan
- Ray Kroc, circa 1963
Ray Kroc—the founder of McDonald’s—was an undisputed business mastermind. However, during his tenure, he was directly responsible for this clusterfuck. Old Ray thought it would be a good idea to provide an alternative to beef for Midwestern Catholics who practiced meatless Fridays. Behold, a pineapple patty with cheese on a bun… Cue the happy Catholics. Not so fast… the Hula Burger bombed hard.
Problem: Cheese and pineapple? Did we mention that the Hula Burger was launched as an alternative to McD’s other meatless sandwich, the Filet-o-Fish? Congratulations Mickey D’s — you somehow found something worse than the Filet-o-Fish.
Once upon a time, McDonald’s thought it would be a good idea to be in the pizza biz. Pizza… At McDonald’s. The result was nothing short of a big pile of suck.
Problem: Well, let’s start with the name — McPizza. In regards to food, the prefix “Mc” usually implies that whatever follows will not be good. Not to mention that “Mc” loosely translates to “the opposite of Italian”.
Please see ‘McPizza’.
Some would argue that the McRib is awesome. Foodiggity calls these people “lunatics.” The McRib was on the regular McDonald’s menu for a short time, before being pulled, and then brought back for a limited time offering. The cult following that this sandwich has spawned, is nothing short of extraordinary. It became so ridiculous, that in 2005, in order to quell the rumors of its return, McDonald’s actually staged a “McRib Farwell Tour”. [source]
The Problem: It was marketed as boneless. However the patty had the general appearance of a side of ribs. Therefore, a press or mold must have existed for the sole purpose of adding fake ribs to mystery meat. Blurg!
Again, the prefix “Mc” kills this one. If Mickey D’s suddenly decides to jump on the healthy choice bandwagon, you can be sure that there will be shenanigans. McDonald’s released this “low-fat” option in 1991 and the results were what you might expect.
Problem: Well the good news, is that the McLean was actually low fat. The bad news… The fat was replaced with water. Wait, it gets worse. In order for the water to bind with the meat, something called carrageenan was added. Carrageenan—for lack of a better term—is seaweed. [source]
A good friend of foodiggity named Frank swore for years that the McLobster existed. He claimed to have spotted a commercial for the McLobster once, and no one believed him. It quickly became Frank’s culinary Sasquatch. Then during a trip to Northern New England… Vindication. Frank finally found himself face to face with this enigma. Unfortunately all of Frank’s photo evidence was blurry and indistinguishable.
Thank you for reading McWTF? Let us know if you remember any of these, or list any other McD’s creations that we did not mention. The best comment shall receive a McRib-shaped Jell-O mold.*
*Not really… But do comment anyway.