McWTF? 7 Horrific McDonald’s Menu Items

No one could ever accuse McDonald’s of not being creative. Besides their usual tactics, McDonald’s often comes up with new and interesting ways to spread their wrath of culinary terrorism. Foodiggity takes a look back at a few methods they’ve used to wreak their havoc.

McDLT

A dancing, shilling George Costanza? What could possibly go wrong?

The McDLT was an interesting enough concept. Lettuce and tomatoes are kept cool on one side, the burger is kept hot on the other. Keep them separate for as long as possible, and the customer could then ‘construct’ the burger themselves. The lettuce stays crisp—assuming that it was so in the first place—the burger is lukewarm as always. Brilliant.

The Problem: No one gives a shit if their lettuce and tomato are kept cool. Most people who waddle into McDonald’s throw away this only semblance of nutrition anyway. Plus, the packaging—while a marvel of engineering—was a double middle finger to the environment. Sort of like a CD long box. Remember those? [source]

Hula Burger

Quick… What is the opposite of beef? If you answered pineapple, you’re either:

  • An Hawaiian Vegan
  • Psychotic
  • Ray Kroc, circa 1963

Ray Kroc—the founder of McDonald’s—was an undisputed business mastermind. However, during his tenure, he was directly responsible for this clusterfuck. Old Ray thought it would be a good idea to provide an alternative to beef for Midwestern Catholics who practiced meatless Fridays. Behold, a pineapple patty with cheese on a bun… Cue the happy Catholics. Not so fast… the Hula Burger bombed hard.

Problem: Cheese and pineapple? Did we mention that the Hula Burger was launched as an alternative to McD’s other meatless sandwich, the Filet-o-Fish? Congratulations Mickey D’s — you somehow found something worse than the Filet-o-Fish.

McPizza

photo: Jason Liebig's Flickr stream

Once upon a time, McDonald’s thought it would be a good idea to be in the pizza biz. Pizza… At McDonald’s. The result was nothing short of a big pile of suck.

Problem: Well, let’s start with the name — McPizza. In regards to food, the prefix “Mc” usually implies that whatever follows will not be good. Not to mention that “Mc” loosely translates to “the opposite of Italian”.

McPasta

Please see ‘McPizza’.

McRib

Some would argue that the McRib is awesome. Foodiggity calls these people “lunatics.” The McRib was on the regular McDonald’s menu for a short time, before being pulled, and then brought back for a limited time offering. The cult following that this sandwich has spawned, is nothing short of extraordinary. It became so ridiculous, that in 2005, in order to quell the rumors of its return, McDonald’s actually staged a “McRib Farwell Tour”. [source]

The Problem: It was marketed as boneless. However the patty had the general appearance of a side of ribs. Therefore, a press or mold must have existed for the sole purpose of adding fake ribs to mystery meat. Blurg!

McLean

Again, the prefix “Mc” kills this one. If Mickey D’s suddenly decides to jump on the healthy choice bandwagon, you can be sure that there will be shenanigans. McDonald’s released this “low-fat” option in 1991 and the results were what you might expect.

Problem: Well the good news, is that the McLean was actually low fat. The bad news… The fat was replaced with water. Wait, it gets worse. In order for the water to bind with the meat, something called carrageenan was added. Carrageenan—for lack of a better term—is seaweed. [source]

McLobster

A good friend of foodiggity named Frank swore for years that the McLobster existed. He claimed to have spotted a commercial for the McLobster once, and no one believed him. It quickly became Frank’s culinary Sasquatch. Then during a trip to Northern New England… Vindication. Frank finally found himself face to face with this enigma. Unfortunately all of Frank’s photo evidence was blurry and indistinguishable.

Problem: A real life Chewbacca is myth, and the McLobster is a reality.

Thank you for reading McWTF? Let us know if you remember any of these, or list any other McD’s creations that we did not mention. The best comment shall receive a McRib-shaped Jell-O mold.*

*Not really… But do comment anyway.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Comments

  1. The passion for the McRib is still nothing short of extraordinary. Love it.

  2. Ronda James says:

    Okay, according to Mr. Durso, I’m a “lunatic”. I could go for a McRib right now. I also love the little “moist towelettes they provided. However, all of the other menu items do sound extremely ridiculous.

  3. Lauston Ozonee says:

    Favorite McD story: As an American GI stationed in Germany we delighted in visiting the Golden Arches to order a burger and beer–draft beer, in fact.

  4. I am from germany and i must admit, that we still have the McRib as a regular Burger.
    I am really not into MCD i am more of a BK person but if i have to eat at MCD i choose the McRib because i think nothing helps me better to ignore the taste of the meat than BBQ-Sauce.
    For the others, i can remember the DLT but it vanished here together with the styrofoam packages in the early 80’s.
    McLean Sounds weird but i would try the McLobster and i would totally love McPizza.
    So, not everything MCD intented is horrific, at least they are the only burger chain that has been able to serve us fries that are fresh out of the fryer and already disgusting and floppy. ^^
    Everywhere else you have to weit at least 5 minutes till the fries suck.

  5. The McRib belongs to that subcategory of foods that occupy my Guilty Pleasure Pantheon. To this day, if any sort of a similar sandwich is on offer, doesn’t matter what I’ve eaten that day or indeed if I’ve just eaten a steak the size of Rosie O’Donnell, I’m still hungry for one.

    The AM/PM convenience store behind my house carries a similar product, and it calls to me like the sirens. Put some kind of pork loaf together, chop it into “rib” patties, and add barbecue sauce and I just can’t help myself.

  6. Natalie says:

    I LOVED the McRib!!! I would eat it right now if it was still @ McD’s. I remember they were advertised as part of the Flintstone’s movie, Fred’s food of choice @ McD’s. Obsessed… give it to me now!!

  7. That is very brave Jane… At least you took the first step in admitting that there is a problem.

  8. Lunatic here. Must admit I am one of those people that actually liked the McRib.

  9. I grew up in central Massachusetts. For several years, our local McDonald’s restaurants would serve the McLobster during the summer. It’s not nearly as bad as it sounds. but if you’re in New England, you can throw a rock and hit several dozen lobster rolls better than McDonald’s version.

  10. Sean… That sounds like a wonderful, magical animal.

  11. Sean Kerwin says:

    The article neglects to explore the theory that McDonalds created a pig whose bones were made of meat. I wanna try a McLobster.

  12. The only one I’ve seen was the Jason Alexander McDLT commercial. Never had a chance to try it. Wasn’t around long enough I guess. I did try the McRib once and thought they should have named it the McAss. That’s about what it tasted like!

Speak Your Mind

*