Horrifying Vintage Food Ads

photo: National Geographic, July 1946, back cover

Another retro food ad contest by Vintage Ads, reveals a frightening time in American history when homecooks and fledgling food companies were just trying to find their place in the culinary world.

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Marlboro Beer

Drinking and smoking — they go together like peas and carrots. Well in the early 70′s, tobacco giant Philip Morris wanted to take that concept a bit further with Marlboro Beer. After acquiring full ownership of Miller Brewing Company, Philip Morris decided to bring the dynamic duo together… on one bottle.

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Ecto Cooler: Its Shady Past and Mysterious Disappearance

Anyone who grew up in the 80s probably had Ecto Cooler in their lunchbox at one time or another. Some may have even used the toxic-green beverage as currency — or conducted lopsided lunchroom trades with the kid who wasn’t allowed to have sugar.

Regardless of the juice’s hypnotic and addictive properties, the backstory of Ecto Cooler is intriguing to say the least. The fact that it was marketed as orange/tangerine-flavored, but was fluorescent green in color, isn’t even the strangest thing about it.

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The McRib: The Who of Fast Food Items

photo: Fritz Saalfeld, Creative Commons

Although the McRib is certainly one of McDonald’s most egregious acts of culinary terrorism—it has spawned a cult following unlike anything we have ever seen, and has become one of the most polarizing fast food items in history.

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A Dose of Ephemera | Goober Grape

photo: the wrong boy's Flickr Photostream

Since it unfortunately still exists, Goober Grape is technically not ephemera. But since it is a memory that has been voluntarily suppressed by most people, we’ll suspend disbelief and pretend that the lazy man’s PB & J hasn’t inexplicably survived for four decades.

Introduced by Smucker’s in 1968, Goober Grape is an evil little product that caters to those who may only own one knife, by placing peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. The result is what you might expect — a horrifying presentation of vertical beige and purple stripes, and the flavor of a big pile of suck.

photo: the wrong boy's Flickr Photostream

And of course, there is a Facebook Fan page. Does anyone else have parents who tortured them with this?

A Dose of Ephemera | Quisp Cereal

Originally released in 1965, Quisp was your typical kiddie-crack in corn cereal form. The cereal was named after its mascot Quisp the Alien from the Planet Q—a lovable, propeller-headed goofball with a severe speech impediment.

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